The Days in the Life of Marik and Bakura
by Paradichloricbenzene
Summary: In between the days of running the Evil Council of Doom, planning to destroy the Pharoah, play a children's card game and eat bad Indian food, wild and fun things happen on Marik and Bakura's days off. So here is a collection of what they do on those blessed days. Rated T for swearing, rack!fic for fun and not to be taken seriously, characters based on LittleKuriboh's Abridged take


8:06AM

The corridor is quiet. There is no one around. With speed and agility, test subject number six-three-zero dashes along the corridor, sweat staining the already dirt crusted orange jumpsuit which every test subject was mandatory to wear. With Aperture Science's best creation, the portal gun, in hand, it was time to solve yet another test which the nefarious GLaDOS had set up for him. There he saw it. The two red laser lines that gave away the presence of an Aperture Science Turret – originally designed for military testing yet had now been reworked to fire at the closest living being there was about.

Ironically, they were always stupid enough to kill each other if you dropped them in the right position. With a clammy hand, the test subject slicks back his blonde hair before charging down the corridor, out into the open and out into the range of the turrets. He didn't last five seconds. His lifeless body was thrown across the room from the sheer force of the rounds of bullets being laid into his body and only until the mainframe programmed into the robot's minds did the overkill stop.

There was no chance of survival.

"OWNED!" The shrill nasally voice of a certain Egyptian echoed throughout the test chamber as his guns powered down now that there wasn't anyone to shoot at. For once, his normally cynical British companion agreed with him, nodding in approval. "Nice shot." Marik had been the first one to detect and shoot Mr Wheeler to death as his laser was closest to the corridor exit. Not saying that they couldn't use their own eyes in order to see and start shooting. Letting out a sigh of relief from a job well done, both evil villains sat back down upon the floor again to start their small break that they had before their current 'boss' would throw another Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist their way for their demise. "So anyway, what were you saying?"

"Oh yeah! Did you see Lost last night? It was the premiere of season four Bakura!" Bakura rolled his eyes, letting his white bangs lazily cover his face as he slumped forward in disgust. Lately his bizarre companion had taken a strange liking to bad TV shows that he barely understood, let alone him or Ryou attempting to work it out. "Are they _still _on that bloody island?"

"Well _yeah _Bakura. Jeez, they're _Lost _on it. You should really keep track of the show and-"

"Sorry, I don't watch crap. I'd rather read a good book such as the Count of Monte Cristo. It's actually a good book that Humanity has created."

"Are you kidding?! Twilight is _OWNS _that sappy old book!"

"Of course Marik." His tone was laced heavily with sarcasm. "That will be when I'm your bitch; which will be never."

"FANFICTION BAKURA. FANFICTION!"

"I think I hate you more and more every day..."

09:34AM

With a piece of burning shrapnel that Marik had conveniently 'found', the two were sat in a different test chamber, the game of tic-tac-toe in front of them. Bakura was crosses. Marik was circles. They had both come to a tie. That had been the tenth time that morning and in frustration, Marik through the shrapnel across the room with a tantrum coming on. "FRIG!"

"It's just a game Marik."

"BUT I LOST!"

"Then how about we not play?" Bakura had gotten sick of the game ten rounds ago. "That way no one can lose." A moment's silence fell between the two, Marik still huffing and pouting whilst Bakura sat within his own thoughts. "I wish we could play a nice game of chess though..." His thoughts were voiced out loud and reached by the huffing Egyptian's ears, him instantly turning on the British man next to him. "Bakura, chess is for nerds."

"Piss off!"

10:59AM

"Hey Marik. You'll never guess who I ran into last week." Bakura turned to look at Marik, who in his boredom was currently hanging his head off the edge of a block to view the world upside-down. Parma-violet eyes lazily trailed over towards the upside-down white and blue colour palette man with disinterest. "Who?"

"Dartz." This provoked the reaction which Bakura had been hoping for. Turning onto his stomach so quickly, Marik almost fell of the thin block which he had been laying on with a pissed look upon his face. "EFF you Fluffy, you _know _I hate him! He's a douche!"

"Pfft, of course I know you hate him." Grinning deviously at the now flustered Egyptian, the Brit shifted his position on his own block slightly so he would be sat in a more comfortable position. "He was singing badly and being annoying as usual. Honestly, he's almost as bad as our neighbour." This got Marik's attention shifted away from the multicoloured-haired man who had stole Bakura away for a few weeks over to their occasionally annoying yet fun neighbour – also Bakura's old friend back in college. "Where is he? I haven't seen him in awhile."

"He got caught kidnapping children and now is serving over sixteen life sentences."

"Oh. It'll be boring to play video games now he isn't appearing every so often. And how are we supposed to make our movie without him Bakura?!" Marik sat up, his violet eyes widening slightly in a mixture of what looked like fear and panic. "THIS IS TERRIBLE!"

"Not really."

12:22PM

"FRIG!"

"What _now _Marik?!"

"My EFFing kedah hasn't arrived _again!_" Marik was sat beside one of the rare windows that Aperture Science owned, staring out the window into the fields of wheat in hopes to see his kedah arrive. Bakura simply facepalmed whilst using his other hand to drag the childish teen away from the window. "Marik. I hardly think that any delivery boy in the world will be able to follow the instructions of 'drive around 60 miles down the road then keep walking left through the fields until you see an Egyptian cosplaying as a turret'."

"But my lunch-"

"But nothing. Go get something from the bloody cafeteria!"

Five minutes later, Marik came back with a salad.

"Bakura! My tan! It's becoming obvious to everyone else how gorgeous it is!"

"How do you know that?" Bakura looked up at Marik as the annoying mess of a Human being strutted over to him with the smuggest look anyone could manage. "When I was getting my lunch, everyone kept looking at my glorious bottom! Isn't it wonderful Bakura?" Marik turned a full 180 around to point his buttocks in his friend's face. Bakura almost choked on his sandwich. He had forgotten he had wrote 'ten bucks an hour' along the bottom of the back of Marik's white turret vest that oh so conveniently hung just along the top of his ass.

01:41PM

Another long and hard session of lounging around and doing fuck all. That peace was interrupted as at the only entrance into the room, expect the exit behind the two turret stand-ins, a flash of an orange jumpsuited test subject appeared before disappearing to hide behind the wall a second later. This obviously caught the attention of both villains as they scrambled to action, them both unsheathing the two rapid fire guns from their holsters and lasers trained at the entrance. Hearts pounding, the silence ran thick before it was broke. "...Did you see that?"

"Of course I bloody well saw the test subject!"

"What do I do?!"

"Tell them you see them." Marik gave Bakura a look of 'what the fuck', prompting the Brit to roll his eyes before looking back to the entrance again. "It scares the Hell out of people."

"Of course! HEY! I CAN SEE YOU!" Marik practically shrieked down the short distance they had between them and the entrance concealing the test subject. His companion had to conceal a laugh from how gullible the younger of the two was, this almost three thousand year old evil spirit actually having a spot of fun for once. "Now ask if they're still there."

"ARE YOU STILL THERE?!"

No reply.

"ANSWER ME!"

Silence.

"...FRIG! Bakuraaaa, they aren't replying!"

"Well no shit Sherlock, if they just waltz out and say hello they know we'll just shoot them to death!"

"Then what should I say now?" This took careful consideration upon which the white haired Brit had the perfect answer. "Come out bitch."

02:23PM

"Oh, this is just _bloody _perfect!"

The sudden outburst made Marik jump as he was distracted by the random thoughts in his head when Bakura decided to have a sudden hissy fit. "FRIG! WHAT?!"

"I'M BLOODY WELL PISSED OFF!"

"AT WHAT?!"

"I JUST TRIED TO ACCESS FACEBOOK AND THEY'VE BLOODY WELL BLOCKED IT!"

"...Bakura, you have facebook?"

"Well, Ryou's facebook, whatever." Bakura glared at Marik before looking back to his phone – a rare luxury that he actually bothered to get himself in the modern world. Well, Marik bought for him. "Damnit. It was so useful to use as a primary for hacking others accounts..."

"This would never have happened if we took the application for Black Mesa instead of Aperture Science, _Bakura_." An accusing look was cast Bakura's way. Bakura ignored it.

03:09PM

"ME AND BAKURA WE WILL HAVE OUR REVENGE, HIM AND ME WILL TAKE YOUR LEATHER PAAAANTS! OHH OHH! ME AND BAKURA WE WILL HAVE OUR REVENGE, HIM AND ME WILL TAKE YOUR LEATHER PAAAANTS!"

04:12PM

All was quiet yet again.

_"SWEET HOME ABALAMAAAA."_

I lied. Both evil villains turned to glare directly at Dartz, who now stood upon a podium singing very badly along to the equally bad guitar playing he was doing. "Bloody Hell, why did we have to get put into the same room as him?"

"MAKE HIM STOP BAKURA!"

_"WARE THE SKIES ARE SO BWUU! SWEET HOME ABALAMAAA!" _Marik had decided to cram his head between his knees to attempt to block out the bad music. Bakura just watched as the test subject picked up Dartz. GLaDOS had begun to announce earlier on how if the test subject wanted to carry on, they would have to kill Dartz. He didn't bother to alert Marik to this. He wanted to have this sweet luxury to himself... to gloat over Marik missing it later. "_LARD I'M COMING HOME YU TOOO!" _Bakura watched in comfort as Dartz was dropped into the incinerator whilst doing the instrumental solo, backed up by his own bad improvisation. "I guess I'll see you in Hell Dartz."

All was quiet yet again.

05:16PM

Bakura sat still, counting down the seconds. "...Two... One..." Marik landed face-first onto the floor beside him. "OH MY GOD!"

"EFF!"

"OW!"

"SON OF A-"

"FRIG!"

"DAMNIT!"

"BAKURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Bakura leaned over the edge of the platform, watching Marik fall and flail his arms and leg around in panic. A grin spread across his face.

06:20PM

"So Bakura."

"What?"

"Wouldn't it be cool to be a Vampire?"

Bakura pinched the bridge of his nose, a scowl spreading across his face as he wondered why on Earth Marik had to bring up this bloody conversation again. It had ended badly last time they had started a conversation along these lines and he was bloody well sure it may end up the same way. "Pray tell Marik, why would one want to be a Vampire?"

"Cause you can live forever and then I would be able to live forever like you can!"

"Living forever has become over rated."

"YOUR FACE IS OVER RATED!"

"Shut up!" A whack was heard. Marik spent the next ten minutes rubbing the back of his head where Bakura had socked him one.

THE END OF THE DAY

* * *

I have no clue why I wrote this.

Actually I do. My good friend Jodie wouldn't stop posting things like this upon my wall. So here we are.

This'll just be a crack thing I'll write every so often for my own amusement but rates and reviews will be appriciated too!

Paradichloricbenzene x.


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